Wanderingscribe Abridged (3)

As a public service to those of you who don't have the stomach (or the sheer mental fortitude) to read all the posts on Anya's site, I present the latest edition of Wanderingscribe Abridged. To get fully up to date, you may wish to peruse Episode 1 & Episode 2 of this exciting tale of ummm... nothingness which will bring you smack bang up to date with Anya Peters and her quest for a book deal. July 03 - Reminisce about when I was homeless and it was hot. July 17 - Car broke down August 17 - Waffle August 26 - Been on holiday to Ireland September - No posts October 21 - Reminisce about when I was homeless and I slept in a car. November 21 - Finished the book. November 27 - Reminisce about when I was homeless and hungry. There ya go folks, 5 months wrapped up in 7 posts. Didn't take long did it !! Although I am sensing a recurrring theme about how she harps on about being homeless even though she has been living in a bedsit for 6 months now. This writing larks a piece of piss! I reckon anybody with rudimentary writing skills could knock out a book these days ........ Oh look, someone has!!

Confession Time

At last there's hope for Anya. Her latest post (which incidentally goes waaaaaaaaaaaay over the top in terms of dribble quotient) marks a turn for the better as she finally confesses that she has lost her mind. ".... letting the waves carry my mind off. Because, yesterday, it was very good to walk on without it for a bit..." Way to go Anya. You have to realise there's a problem before you can get help!! Later on there's even more revelations that she once found some magic mushrooms and asked a café to cook them but, after they turfed the crazy homeless lady out onto the streets, she walked along with "my saliva dripping in lemony butter". There's a pretty mental image to conjure up. Do people make a habit of asking food establishments to cook something they found lying on the ground? Perhaps this is a ploy to "big up" the mental illness aspect that she must surely be going to use to promote the forthcoming book. Here's a little tip. Save your energy love. The evidence is already well stacked up in your favour !

Anya in her jutting out Kitchen. Did someone say "Eh ehh ehhhhh...."

He's got my publicity !!

Poor old Anya must be a bit peeved at the news that the bloke who inspired her to create a blog to get a book deal has only gone and got himself some more publicity from the BBC. Hugh Sawyer has made the news because he's upping sticks (probably literally) and becoming homeless in Ecuador. (What a grand life those homeless folks live, eh readers !) Avid readers of the turgid tale of Anya will recall that she used his blog to advertise her own, even going so far as to feign surprise that she was mentioned by the New York Times and handily providing a link for anyone who wanted to see her blog. (Don't forget it was written for herself though and was absolutely in no way a self promotional tool!!). Quite how she could be surprised when she obviously gave the interview in the first place isn't explored though. Probably a result of that mental illness that she'll be harping on about in the book. I quite liked the quote by the Beeb about Hugh Sawyer that "He has tried to make his living as authentic as possible." Mmmm..... Me too. I'm sick of meeting people who only pretend to live.

It is done

But who really cares? How many months is it now with no real news? How many months of self indulgent clap trap? Even the most ardent of fans must be reading Anya's blog and thinking "There's no news here!" Mind you, there is no story now. Not until the publicity train hoves into view............

Remember

In Flanders field the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields.

Reaching out for help ....

As the latest site to fall victim to the con job being perpetrated by Anya Peters, World Vision includes a couple of recorded interviews ( a 2 minute "taster" and an in depth one of 5 minutes) where our heroine of the Laneways once again peddles the bullshit that has made her a celebrity in her own mind. I wasn't really sure if it was indeed our very own Laneway loser as the presenter keeps referring to her as "Onya" but how many homeless people can there be living in their cars in London? Actually, probably loads if it's a proven method to get a book deal. So.... cue the interview and straight away, the presenter makes a point that "Onya" is calling from a London payphone (no doubt to highlight the "pity me" aspect). Hang on a mo ..... Surely those tight wads at Harper Collins would have let her use the phone for 5 minutes. Especially as this would count as promotional work !! Mind you, it wouldn't have quite the same ring to it. "Here's "Onya" ringing from her publishers office about her forthcoming book .........." The presenter makes all the right cooing noises and feeds "Onya" her cues and our little trooper starts tugging at our heart strings with how she read about this person who had a blog (no mention that he got a book deal through it which "Onya" has admitted made her feel jealous) and how she then used her blog as a "cry for help". Hold The Phone !! I may be mistaken but weren't many offers of help made? (You can check 'em out yourself by trawling through the older comments on her site before they too are deleted (to help the story flow better)) Contact points for charities. Address's. Personal offers of help. On and on they flowed. But all were rejected by "Onya". Until that glorious day when the offer of help from a literary agent was made. Hallelujah !! That was more like it ! That's what she was waiting for. Sadly, the presenter doesn't go into this but instead asks "Onya" if she could perhaps read a passage from her blog. Don't be silly love. This poor ex-homeless woman is calling in from a payphone. Do you think she would have a printed copy of her blog to hand? Actually she does! Sacré Bleu !! Either that, or a laptop with wifi access so she can instantly call up her site. So off "Onya" goes, enthralling the listeners with an excerpt from February (one of the earliest entries). Now she might be reading from her soon to be published manuscript as the quote doesn't exactly match up with what appears on the blog. Was she quoting from memory? Could be as there have only been 69 posts in total since that first one in February. We then learn that Harper Collins asked her to write about her experiences. Strangely "Onya" forgets to mention the actual version which is that her new found agent apparently whipped up interest in her experiences before supposedly getting a bidding war going for the story which Harper Collins won. Umm.. your experiences as a homeless bum? Funny that, because the book that they are touting doesn't seems to concentrate on the homeless aspect too much but instead on how she "overcame her traumatic childhood and adult homelessness to find a place she could call home". So that would be a London Bedsit, would it? The drivel continues ..........