Agent: I'm pleased to say that I have found some publishers who may be willing to publish a book by you.
Homeless Bum: That's good news because I have a novel half finished already.
Agent: Yeah that's great but we'd like the book to be about your life story. You know, your upbringing, the pain you've suffered as a child, the abuse etc.
Homeless Bum: But I wasn't abused as a child.
Agent: Oh come on now, Abuse takes many forms. It could be someone looking at you funny or some creepy person that you don't feel comfortable around. There must have been people like that in your life.
Homeless Bum: Not really. I had a privileged upbringing and a good education. It wasn't till I made some bad choices later in life that I became homeless through my own inadequacies.
Agent: Are you sure because the "misery memoir" market is very hot at the moment.
Homeless Bum: Quite sure. But my novel is half finished and I'm sure it will be very popular.
Agent: Listen Sweety, no one is interested in yet another novel from an unknown author, Do you realise how many hundreds of novels get published every month? You are on the map because you are a victim. People will want to read about you being a victim. Are you sure you weren't abused?
Homeless Bum: Yes, quite sure.
Agent: That's a pity then as I can't really see much interest in any book. Are you absolutely positive that you weren't kiddie fiddled?
Homeless Bum: Well...... now you mention it, it's all coming back to me now.
Agent: Excellent. I'll knock up a few bullet points and let the publishers know that there's lots of competition for your human interest story. That should get 'em vying against each other which will push up the amount we can claim as an advance.
Homeless Bum: Really? Gosh. But my blog never mentioned any abuse.
Agent: That's probably because you had blocked it out whilst you were homeless but now you are getting yourself together, you can tell the world the whole story. Right?
Homeless Bum: Ummm.... yeah. Actually it's all coming back to me now. There were quite a few incidents where I was abused.
Agent: That's the ticket, Sweety. You get busy jotting down a few rough notes and we'll get a ghost writer to flesh the thing out to a few hundred pages. I'll get busy with my contacts. I've a feeling this will be very lucrative for both of us ..........
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
I remember now ........
A Cafe somewhere in London.
Two women sit hunched over cups of steaming foaming coffee's.
The steam tendrils dance like wafty steamy things in the air between them.
Agent: I'm pleased to say that I have found some publishers who may be willing to publish a book by you.
Homeless Bum: That's good news because I have a novel half finished already.
Agent: Yeah that's great but we'd like the book to be about your life story. You know, your upbringing, the pain you've suffered as a child, the abuse etc.
Homeless Bum: But I wasn't abused as a child.
Agent: Oh come on now, Abuse takes many forms. It could be someone looking at you funny or some creepy person that you don't feel comfortable around. There must have been people like that in your life.
Homeless Bum: Not really. I had a privileged upbringing and a good education. It wasn't till I made some bad choices later in life that I became homeless through my own inadequacies.
Agent: Are you sure because the "misery memoir" market is very hot at the moment.
Homeless Bum: Quite sure. But my novel is half finished and I'm sure it will be very popular.
Agent: Listen Sweety, no one is interested in yet another novel from an unknown author, Do you realise how many hundreds of novels get published every month? You are on the map because you are a victim. People will want to read about you being a victim. Are you sure you weren't abused?
Homeless Bum: Yes, quite sure.
Agent: That's a pity then as I can't really see much interest in any book. Are you absolutely positive that you weren't kiddie fiddled?
Homeless Bum: Well...... now you mention it, it's all coming back to me now.
Agent: Excellent. I'll knock up a few bullet points and let the publishers know that there's lots of competition for your human interest story. That should get 'em vying against each other which will push up the amount we can claim as an advance.
Homeless Bum: Really? Gosh. But my blog never mentioned any abuse.
Agent: That's probably because you had blocked it out whilst you were homeless but now you are getting yourself together, you can tell the world the whole story. Right?
Homeless Bum: Ummm.... yeah. Actually it's all coming back to me now. There were quite a few incidents where I was abused.
Agent: That's the ticket, Sweety. You get busy jotting down a few rough notes and we'll get a ghost writer to flesh the thing out to a few hundred pages. I'll get busy with my contacts. I've a feeling this will be very lucrative for both of us ..........
Agent: I'm pleased to say that I have found some publishers who may be willing to publish a book by you.
Homeless Bum: That's good news because I have a novel half finished already.
Agent: Yeah that's great but we'd like the book to be about your life story. You know, your upbringing, the pain you've suffered as a child, the abuse etc.
Homeless Bum: But I wasn't abused as a child.
Agent: Oh come on now, Abuse takes many forms. It could be someone looking at you funny or some creepy person that you don't feel comfortable around. There must have been people like that in your life.
Homeless Bum: Not really. I had a privileged upbringing and a good education. It wasn't till I made some bad choices later in life that I became homeless through my own inadequacies.
Agent: Are you sure because the "misery memoir" market is very hot at the moment.
Homeless Bum: Quite sure. But my novel is half finished and I'm sure it will be very popular.
Agent: Listen Sweety, no one is interested in yet another novel from an unknown author, Do you realise how many hundreds of novels get published every month? You are on the map because you are a victim. People will want to read about you being a victim. Are you sure you weren't abused?
Homeless Bum: Yes, quite sure.
Agent: That's a pity then as I can't really see much interest in any book. Are you absolutely positive that you weren't kiddie fiddled?
Homeless Bum: Well...... now you mention it, it's all coming back to me now.
Agent: Excellent. I'll knock up a few bullet points and let the publishers know that there's lots of competition for your human interest story. That should get 'em vying against each other which will push up the amount we can claim as an advance.
Homeless Bum: Really? Gosh. But my blog never mentioned any abuse.
Agent: That's probably because you had blocked it out whilst you were homeless but now you are getting yourself together, you can tell the world the whole story. Right?
Homeless Bum: Ummm.... yeah. Actually it's all coming back to me now. There were quite a few incidents where I was abused.
Agent: That's the ticket, Sweety. You get busy jotting down a few rough notes and we'll get a ghost writer to flesh the thing out to a few hundred pages. I'll get busy with my contacts. I've a feeling this will be very lucrative for both of us ..........
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20 comments:
There was a stranger in the laneway. That'll make a chapter i'd of thought?
I bet there won't be too many chapters about her life as a practicing lawyer living in Hampstead, will there?
I wonder why Harper Collins haven't updated their site about Anya? You know, what with her being the publishing sensation of the century and all, you'd think they'd give her better webspace than a crappy text box.
The (poorly written) blurb still says that the book has no name, surely Harper Collins must be aware that one can purchase it on Amazon? And that she's agreed for her nom de plume to be "Anya Peters"?
www.harpercollins.co.uk/wanderingscribe
It's a mystery for sure.
Has she been quietly dumped after they saw some initial drafts?
I wouldn't have thought so as they handed over a large wedge of dosh but perhaps some bottoms are twitching at Harper Collins over the "investment".
If only they'd popped over to this blog for the inside scoop !!
As pointed out, they were quick enough putting that page up about Anya's book but interest seems to have waned of late and they can't be arsed to do any updates at all.
Pretty much like the laneway loser herself .......
Hugsssss..............
Anya Peters
This blog has led me to the path of Illumination...
I wish I had known this blog before having made some bad friendship choices. A friend of mine told me we were going out for a body piercing session, and guess what, he wasn't telling me the whole truth.
I am The Way, The Truth and The Light. So sayeth Anya Peters.
It will all be there in The Good Book.
I rejoice in all the heart warming stories that my readers post and often think to myself There but for the grace of HarperCollins go I...."
God Bless you all..........
Saint Anya of The Laneways
a little to far this time fake wanderingscribe. child abuse is NOT something to joke about. your latest blog has made me feel rather sick this morning.
I'm concerned - is it true that you are a fake??? Could this blog be a hoax played out upon the innocent folks of blogosphere.
I am moving to Tunbridge Wells (Royal) to live in a coal bunker forthwith...
A Fake?
HOW VERY DARE YOU !!
I'll have you know I am a fully paid up member of the human race and have my Identity Card to prove it.
Dear anonymous,
I hope you're feeling better now. I have to tell you that even Alien civilizations are puzzled with this universal mystery of British Humour. They come to earth solely with the intent to study this phenomenon.
This humour can't be found anywhere else in the universe and is on the level of a child's intellect, with strong traces of naivety cognition. The Alien reports indicate this may have become a threshold for Human's next evolution leap.
I have a confession to make! I would like to publish a book! Yeah…
The title would be: “For Christ’s sake people, stop quoting me! I never said any of that”
And here’s an excerpt from Chapter I:
“Why the f* am I represented everywhere in Roman Catholic churches wearing underpants? At least I could be dressed up like a real messiah! When will this humiliation come to an end?...
…Why am I still bleeding? Doesn’t this make you SICK??? Can’t you see I’m suffering? Why doesn’t anyone remove this cross from my body?? Are you people into the sadomaso thing? Hmm?…”
Eating lots of chocolate or going on "The Waltzers" makes me feel quite sick.
However, exposing lies and highlighting con artists and fraudsters makes me feel quite happy actually.
If you can't palate the truth then it's probably best staying down the laneway in laa laa land with the fairies.
This is Big Boy Land where we tell it like it is.
Hugs and a big slap round the gob with THE KIPPER OF REALITY
Anya Peters
I'm not sure if I would call this lying or Acrobatics...:)
WS,19th February :"Last night took a much greater effort to get out of the car to go to the loo during the night. Had parked too close to the bank and couldn’t open the door wide enough to squeeze pass. Was about to move the car further out, but in the process found a way to avoid getting out of the car at all — and all that mud — by keeping one foot on the footrest of the car door and one on the bank and just leaning in as far to the bank as I can, and crouching in the dark over the ditch. It meant getting scratched and almost caught on the bushes, but worth it to reduce time in the cold. Why didn’t I think of doing that before?"
Child abuse is sick, and so is making money by conning people into believing you are a poor, helpless homeless woman suffering because...yes....you were abused as a child. And then, you know, writing a book about your "true life" experiences. Of child abuse.
So it's good that this con is being exposed for what it is.
Dear wanderingscribe,
You would do a far more great service to Humankind, and to all the living beings in this planet (including trees, fairies, etc.) if you assumed your condition and looked around at the Isolation Ward in which you stand. This blog won’t save the innocent and the kind-hearted and you are not Wonderboy…
What superheros teach kids is to be violent and vengeful. I guess we already have that a lot all around us…
Why don’t you assume that you need help to get out of the Isolation Ward and stop pretending you’re saving the World? Save yourself… ;)
Big Hug…………
Sadly I fear your words will fall on deaf ears.
Anya doesn't visit this blog (so she claims) and as she has totally shut down her comments then she won't get to hear your words of wisdom.
But some of them are wrong anyway.
Super Heroes are a work of fiction, just like the homeless blog but if I was a Super Hero (please note it's two words, not one) I would only use my powers for good.
Things like X-ray vision to see through Womens changing room walls or being invisible in the Ladies section of the local swimming pool.
Super Hero Hugs .........
Anya Peters
Isn't it 'Super Heroes"?
Generally speaking the kipper of reality is best served with a knob of butter and some cream crackers.
Benny Hinn
Benny, surely you forgot to mention the jutting out kitchen?
Ken
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