Such a dilemma !!

It must be a terrible burden to be famous for being homeless. After all, once you are no longer homeless, you have no claim to fame. And then you have to maintain interest in your blog (and I use the term "interest" very loosely) by increasing the dribble quotient of your posts. Take the latest post by Anya (dated 26th August). Fans eager for news after a whole month of silence will be relieved to hear that she wasn't involved in some horrific building collapse involving a jutting out kitchen but just went to Ireland to "escape the hideous heat". Most of us just opened a window but I guess that the big wedge of spondoolicks she got from Harper Collins was burning a hole in her pocket so off she trotted to another country. Sounds like she's gotten over the whole homeless thing pretty quickly, eh chums ! But without the daily struggle for existence (which had quite literally tens of people all over the world hanging on her every word) to talk about in her blog, how best to drive up interest in her forthcoming book? Perhaps introducing some characters from the forthcoming book as a taster. Waahaay !! Inspiration strikes and off she (allegedly) pops to see some bloke who couldn't give a rats arse about his daughters welfare over the last year. Cue lots of catching "glimpses of each other in the driver’s mirror" (Trés Dramatique!) as her drove her all over Ireland (if the post is to be believed). But why would you catch a glimpse in the drivers' mirror (we call it a rear view mirror in this country, love)? Surely this only happens when someone is driving and someone is in the back seat. Ahhhh... Lady Muck must have been too proud to sit in the front with "the driver" and therefore must have chose to be chauffeured around, waving regally as the local inhabitants of those quaint Irish villages doffed their cap as she glided gracefully through. Cue much waffly lyrical waxing as she gets back into her stride with the overly flowery dogs dinner that she thinks marks her writing as that of a true author.

• Daddy quoting poetry under apple trees.
• Sharing a snack with Daddy at the seaside.
• Clattering around narrow bumpy roads in a horse and trap with Daddy.

Luckily some self defence anti-boredom mechanism kicked in at that point and I could read no more of this piss poor Mills & Boon garbage, choosing instead, to slip into a welcoming coma as the lesser of two evils. Could some kind soul read the rest of the post and let me know how it turns out. I do hope it involves a ferry sinking.

Wikipedia

Newcomers to the internet phenomenon of the artist formerly known as Wanderingscribe will now be able to glean a brief synopsis of this elusive figure at Wikipedia. The entry (already updated) also includes a handy link to this very blog so that new readers can get both sides of the story and not just the version that Anya Peters wants to portray. Whilst the entry includes some very relevant points, it fails to mention the wildly optimistic claim by the BBC that Anya's site was receiving over 100,000 hits a month. Although emails were sent to the BBC querying this figure and asking for verification, no answer was received. Much like Anya's blog itself where she closed down the comments section to stop people asking those awkward questions that she would rather people didn't ask. Can't have the truth getting in the way of a good story, can we ........

One month and counting .....

As Anya Peter's blog approaches the first month anniversary of no updates, questions are being asked about whether it was really all a hoax and has she finally been "sussed" by her publishers. History shows us that time and again, publishers have been fooled into publishing books from wannabe authors who have stretched the truth in order to garner a book deal. Here's a few examples. Norma Khouri A Jordanian woman living in exile in Australia, she wrote about her experiences in Jordan where she worked at a Unisex hair salon with her friend who fell in love with a Christian. Eventually things turned sour for their relationship and her friend was the victim of an honour killing whereby Norma fled from Jordan in fear for her life. Exciting stuff eh ! The book was released by Random House publishing in 2003 and immediately became a best seller, shifting over 500,000 copies in Australia. Unfortunately some of the "facts" didn't add up and a journalist researched the story properly (shouldn't the publishers do this?) and found that although Khouri was born and lived in Jordan, she emigrated at the age of three. The story was made up. In August 2004 Khouri admitted that she had took "literary licence" with the book but received no payment for it (a fact strongly denied by her publishers). Helen Darville In 1993 Helen wrote about her experiences (using the pen name of Helen Demidenko) in her home country of the Ukraine and particularly about two brothers who survive Stalinism only to become members of the Nazi Einsatzgruppen death squads. The novel was widely acclaimed and won various awards including the Australian Literature Society Gold Medal and in 1995 the Miles Franklin Award (the most prestigious literary award in Australia). Sadly though, it turned out that Darville was of British origin and had manufactured a fantasy life as someone of Ukrainian descent . Critics labelled the novel a hoax and the judges who had granted the awards were ridiculed in the press. Laura Victoria Albert Presented to the public and publishers as a transgendered, sexually questioning, abused, former homeless drug addict and male prostitute called JT LeRoy, JT has produced several books and numerous magazine articles. However, after writing a piece for the Sunday Times Travel Magazine about Disneyland Paris, discrepancies were noted regarding the expenses submitted. Further investigations revealed that JT didn't actually exist but was a concoction of a wannabe author named Laura Albert. Articles in the New York Times provided evidence to this fact in January and February 2006. Kaycee Nicole Kaycee was presented as a high school student suffering from frequent and severe health problems, and had an online diary with a large Internet following. After it was "reported" that she had died of leukaemia, triggering an outpouring of condolences and grief from her readers, some wondered whether she was in fact a real person. Following an investigation, it turned out that Kaycee was a fictional person invented by her "mother". Although many gifts had been sent to Kaycee and subsequently received by her "mother", the FBI decided that t was not a case of fraud and no charges were brought. Although the last example did not end with a publishing deal, it serves as a reminder of the power of the internet and the evolution of methods employed by fraudsters in order to draw attention to themselves. Remind you of anybody we know..........

Security Alert !!

Britain was in a high state of alert today as security forces gained reliable intelligence that Anya Peters was thinking of leaving the country to promote her forthcoming book "Abandoned - The True Story of a Little Girl who made a Fortune from a Blog". In order to reduce the potential panic that may have ensued, they made up some story about terrorists trying to blow up planes as a cover for the massive security operation that swung into effect to stop anybody outside the UK experiencing the drivel that has become Anya's trademark. A spokesman for the National Intelligence Taskforce for Wanderingscribe Incidence of Travelling Suppression (NITWITS) commented "It just wouldn't be fair for other countries to suffer how the great people of the UK have at the hands of this assassin of the English Language". He continued "Although we have highly experienced teams searching the southern counties for all instances of jutting out kitchens, we cannot take a chance that she'll manage to slip out of the country before we manage to track her down, hence this security operation". US officials expressed concern that an anagram of Anya Peters is “A Neater Spy”, an anagram of Wanderingscribe is "Inbred Car Swine" and that Anya is known to have links with a Middle Eastern country (she once stored figs in the boot of her car). The FBI immediately raised their country’s Alert Level to “Cacking Pants”, one level below “Holy Shit!”.

Super Hero Sidekick Wanted

As I am being continually praised for my heroic deeds in outing the evil doings of con atists, I have decided to take the leap and become a full time Super Hero. "Wanderingscribe Man" Naturally I shall require a Sidekick to assist me in my duties so if you would like to apply for the role of "Laneway Boy" then send a CV attached to a used £20 note and I shall consider your application. Uniform wil be provided Hugssssss....... Anya Peters

Abandoned - The True story of a Little Girl who went to a Madonna concert.

Looks like everyone is jumping on the Abandoned Bandwagon these days.

© Daily Mirror

Perhaps Anya will be able to form a self help group for abandoned women everywhere. They could meet for tea and crackers in the jutting out kitchen once a week.

I remember now ........

A Cafe somewhere in London. Two women sit hunched over cups of steaming foaming coffee's. The steam tendrils dance like wafty steamy things in the air between them. Agent: I'm pleased to say that I have found some publishers who may be willing to publish a book by you. Homeless Bum: That's good news because I have a novel half finished already. Agent: Yeah that's great but we'd like the book to be about your life story. You know, your upbringing, the pain you've suffered as a child, the abuse etc. Homeless Bum: But I wasn't abused as a child. Agent: Oh come on now, Abuse takes many forms. It could be someone looking at you funny or some creepy person that you don't feel comfortable around. There must have been people like that in your life. Homeless Bum: Not really. I had a privileged upbringing and a good education. It wasn't till I made some bad choices later in life that I became homeless through my own inadequacies. Agent: Are you sure because the "misery memoir" market is very hot at the moment. Homeless Bum: Quite sure. But my novel is half finished and I'm sure it will be very popular. Agent: Listen Sweety, no one is interested in yet another novel from an unknown author, Do you realise how many hundreds of novels get published every month? You are on the map because you are a victim. People will want to read about you being a victim. Are you sure you weren't abused? Homeless Bum: Yes, quite sure. Agent: That's a pity then as I can't really see much interest in any book. Are you absolutely positive that you weren't kiddie fiddled? Homeless Bum: Well...... now you mention it, it's all coming back to me now. Agent: Excellent. I'll knock up a few bullet points and let the publishers know that there's lots of competition for your human interest story. That should get 'em vying against each other which will push up the amount we can claim as an advance. Homeless Bum: Really? Gosh. But my blog never mentioned any abuse. Agent: That's probably because you had blocked it out whilst you were homeless but now you are getting yourself together, you can tell the world the whole story. Right? Homeless Bum: Ummm.... yeah. Actually it's all coming back to me now. There were quite a few incidents where I was abused. Agent: That's the ticket, Sweety. You get busy jotting down a few rough notes and we'll get a ghost writer to flesh the thing out to a few hundred pages. I'll get busy with my contacts. I've a feeling this will be very lucrative for both of us ..........